Zellwood (2013) Directed by Jason Sutton

It's an absolute fact that most horror movies that never hit theaters are absolute terrible ones. It's however rare for them to be as truly abysmal as this one though!

This movie in my opinion is just as bad as the Z-grade schlock they used to make in the '50's! The kind of movies people love to make fun of nowadays and are absolutely terrible to watch, in just about every regard. Weak acting, dumb writing, cringing dialog, stupid killers, it's all present in this movie as well!

It's an extremely amateurish looking and feeling movie, which isn't just necessarily due to its low-budget but also truly because of all of the talentless, amateur folks, involved with it. The editing is absolutely terrible for instance and totally ruins the pace of the movie. Scenes often go on for far too long and it constantly feels like the movie is repeating itself. It isn't just repeating itself but it of course is also basically rehashing every other modern slasher movie that's out there.

The annoying thing about the dialog and most of the writing is that it's obviously there just to fill up time. Things are needlessly slow and drawn out and too often it feels like you are watching absolutely nothing. The build up is terrible, since things never seem to be going forward and there also basically is zero suspense or any good mystery, anywhere to be found in this movie. This also all is really due to the fact that this hardly is a very engaging movie to watch. The characters are all terrible one-dimensional stereotypes, played by some truly bad actors and the writing is just as exciting and interesting as watching paint dry.

And sex sells but only when done tastefully and subtle. Absolutely nothing subtle about the 'sexy' stuff in this movie though. It's laughable for instance how asscheeks are constantly hanging out of the girl's tight shorts. Laughable, since it all was done very deliberate and also looks far too forced. Sure, the girls are great to look at but really...

Also please don't watch this movie expecting to see tons of gore and some fun creative killings. There are hardly any killings in this movie and the killers are some extremely weak and unlikely ones. It ruins the little credibility that the movie had and it hardly feels like the best and most effective choice the movie could have made. It besides is anything surprising. Because of the movie its weak build up and lack of subtlety, you should already know who the killers are, before the movie reaches the halfway point. But then again, absolutely nothing in this movie comes as a surprise. It's predictable from start till finish, with everything that it's doing.

One of the absolute worst and most amateurish genre movies you can watch.

2/10

Watch trailer