The Impaler (2013) Directed by Derek Hockenbrough

This sounds like a decent enough movie. I mean, how can a movie featuring Vlad the Impaler/Dracula be a bad or boring one right? Well, this movie actually nevertheless still manages to be a both bad and boring one.

Really not much good about this movie. It's a very formulaic one but what's way worse is that it's a poorly handled formulaic movie. It's not even enjoyable on a horror and slasher kind of level, since it hardly features any horror moments in it and the killings really aren't anything memorable or disgustingly awesome. No real creativity was put into this movie, which makes it a pretty bland and forgettable one.

It definitely doesn't help that the movie has a cheap look and feeling to it. At times it even mostly feels like an amateur project, with its cheap and bad lighting and disappointing locations. Most of the movie is set inside of Dracula's castle but it never ever feels that way as well. It's making a terrible use of its locations and doesn't ever use any impressive or convincing enough looking sets.

It's also yet again one of those movies that feature a bunch of teenagers in it, who all love to drink and party and have sex whenever they can. Seriously, who still likes to watch these kind of movies? Even the most adolescent teenagers probably feels bored and annoyed by this. needless to say that none of the characters are any likable enough ones, which also is really due to the fact that they are hardly developed and most of them are either too much alike or they are some extremely big and annoying stereotypes.

The movie also mostly feels like a boring one, despite the fact that it's just over 80 minutes short. Most of the time there really isn't anything interesting, exciting or surprising happening in this movie, which makes it feel overlong.

And no, just because it features Vlad the Impaler/Dracula in it doesn't mean that this is a vampire movie as well. So vampire lovers be warned! No true classic blood sucking action in this movie and Vlad also hardly is a character in this movie at all. Certainly no dark, all powerful or frightening character and the actor who plays him is a far from charismatic presence.

Really not worth watching!

4/10

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